[Note: I knew that there were some people that hadn’t played Windwaker yet that were reading this blog, but now that I know there’s quite a few people in that boat, I kept it in mind as I wrote this post. It was in the back of my mind a bit during the last two posts, but here it’s really more of a focused effort to explain some story bits to people who haven’t seen them before.
With that said, I’m not very used to that, since everyone who read the first series had played the game before (excluding me, of course!), so… this post is massive. No seriously, MASSIVE.
From the next post and on, I’m going to try to make a concerted effort to make the individual posts shorter – mainly so I can get through the game in decent time and still enjoy writing these! Because for massive posts, it gets irritating by the end of production…
Anyway, enjoy!
Jared]
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*sigh*
All the kids all the kids these days, (x2)
Do you really wanna be that way? (x2)
Lemme say lemme say lemme say (x2)
Does it really have to be that way? (x2)
And you know and you know what’s good? (x2)
Like the kids in the neighborhood (x2)
Tell me what to say tell me what to say (x2)
Did you do your best today? (x2)
Oh, Sleigh Bells, you notoriously polarizing crazy awesome noise rockers. How relevant your song – heck, your whole album – is to our coming quest through Windfall Island…
You’re all alone, friend
Pick up the phone, then
Ring, ring, call them up
Tell them ‘bout the new trends
—————————————————————————————————————
We load up the game on the beach, next to Aslan.
Before doing anything else, however (like getting a sail… or Turkish Delight), I remembered being told in a conversation I was having with someone about this blog that although there are no Cuckoos in the game, hitting pigs has about the same effect…
“Dude, he’s totally lying to you. I’m an innocent little pig. Don’t you try to- don’t- hey!- HEY!- wha-“
“THAT’S IT! LAID OUT!”
“WE SWARM!!”
I ran back to Aslan, hoping that the pigs would lose their power in the water.
They did.
Interestingly, smoke comes out of them… Why would smoke come out of pigs?!
Reminds me of a little story… (no, trust me on this!).
My brother had the online gaming program Steam installed on my old laptop, and it always had to load up intensely at boot-up. It made that “slow-mode-at-boot” time last even longer. Usually, a good indicator that my laptop had loaded enough to make it viable to use for anything was that a Steam login popup came on screen (which I would proceed to immediately close).
However, this resulted in me at one point telling a friend of mine – who had come over to work on a school project – something along the lines of, “Yeah, my laptop doesn’t run too well until steam comes up” as my computer loaded up…
Naturally, his first reaction was an exasperated “WHAT?”. I was kinda confused, and explained it to him. And that’s when I realized, you know, he thought I meant – yeah…
Interesting story.
Also, these pigs fart when you pick them up.
Anyways, back on topic.
I bump into these two suspicious too-nice-too-be-true girls.
“Yep, we’ve got a waiting list, and YOU’RE not on it. Hmph.”
Crud you.
Like the other places so far, the people here are looking to being quite eccentric as well…
“Yeah… I just saw one of those yesterday. No, seriously. Now how often do you CATCH one of those? Not often, …Dum-Dum.
Then there’s this guy…
That’s a great way to get people to listen to you.
He proceeds to tell me about his daughter Millie, who’s also been kidnapped and taken to the Forsaken Fortress.
Well, Gannon isn’t quite a chick magnet, to be frank…
And aren’t you a bit old to have a pre-teen daughter, too?…
O_o
Regardless of that little bit, he soon does something truly extraordinary…
Wait, what?
WHABABABABUH- THE WORD, THE WORD!! HE SAID THE WORD!!
Some of you may not have realized it by now (and of course, some of you knew this way before this series started), but I like that word. A lot.
“Crud” is pretty much my replacement for just about every swear word. (As you may have noticed, there’ve even been some “crud you” ‘s throughout this series…) And of course, it’s not the most commonly used one either. So in real life between my friends, it’s kinda became “my word” of sorts.
And whadda know. The guy SAID IT.
You sir, just got a whole lot more awesome.
(And to a few certain readers… *ahem* If I were a hipster, I wouldn’t have liked him using that word!)
With that out of the way, we also find this:
Some things REALLY don’t change.
Then I travel up the right hill, and go inside.
Turns out it’s a bomb shop!
Bombs!
Bombs?
BOMBS?!?!?!
As you can see, the price is a bit… high.
The price is not right.
Where’s the Zelda government?! MONOPOLY!!
Oh, if the hipsters got ahold of this idea…
So I attempt another way of getting them… and hit an invisible wall.
Darn game physics.
Whatever, Mickey McScrooge.
I go back, and walk left instead of right. I start up a stone pathway and into town!
But I don’t get too far until this:
Um, WHAT?
Before I do that, please admit that I am epicly awesome beyond anyone’s wildest imaginations.
Oh, you can’t? Oh, I’m sorry. That lampshade doesn’t look very good around your waist like that.
So all the girls seven and under around the island.
Oh wait, what? You’re older than eight? Huh, funny – couldn’t tell from your demeanor…
And things around here only get weirder after that:
…Is it LEGAL?
Crud – where the HECK is the government in this world?
And if it didn’t seem suspicious enough already, it doesn’t help that he says the dang thing SEVEN times throughout the single conversation either.
And that doesn’t even count the first time he said it when he welcomed me to the shop…
And then it hits me what this stuff really is.
Chu Jelly = Zelda Turkish Delight.
As I slowly back away from the drug-dealer in disguise, repeating to myself “Just say no, just say no”, I look around the room. There’s some rupees on the high shelves that seem nearly impossible to get to.
“Take this stuff, and you’ll be able to get to high places like that!
*nudge nudge*”
In discovering this rupee though, I decide to look a bit higher…
WHAT THE-
‘Nuff said.
Wasn’t quite expecting a drug allegory there.
The next house had a nice gold and red door on it. I open it up.
Should it bother me that I instinctually went for the B-button when I saw these?
(It is a natural Zelda reaction to see containers like these and do that, but…)
I pick one up to see what would happen (or maybe to consider breaking it, I’m not sure), but then decided to set it back down. However, until later in this post, I had no idea you could set stuff down with the R button. So, confused, I hoped for the best in pressing A…
*heart sinks*
You’re welcome!
Something makes me think that doing that is going to take a lot more out of my budget than I’d like to let out…
Three houses full of crazy crud… great.
Next thing I see doesn’t make me feel any better.
I don’t even KNOW what to –
From the look in your eyes, I think you’re a BIT too entranced in this stuff…
There’s something very wrong with this town.
And with saying that, I come across this guy:
Seems pretty normal for now, right? He does have the crazy look in his eye (maybe the whole town’s wired on Chu Jelly…), but regardless, he seems like an average joe, informing a new kid to town of the postbox.
(ad infinitum, every time…)
But he seems quite concerned about whether the Rito postman’s come already.
Maybe he has a letter that really needed to get sent today.
What if he’s separated from his family, trying desperately to contact them?
What if this is his last opportunity to send a letter to a passing friend, who has travelled away from their hometown of Windfall Island in time, and if he doesn’t send it now, they may never read it?
What if he’s actually writing in to the Zelda government, before they fold from lack of funding and position? What if he finally wants justice for this town?…
…
…
…
Nah. Let’s assume he’s OCD. And says that phrase in a epic voice like he’s giving a sermon in Carnegie Hall.
…Yeah. That hits the spot.
However, of course, it doesn’t end – once we finish talking to him, we start talking to:
Why must you all tell your sad stories the minute I start talking to you?!
First that guy. And now this guy’s just…
This game could use a good fan overdub.
He continues on about how he’s travelled some ways from home, and a storm hit his ship, and all he was left with was a thing he only refers to as “that” – his last heirloom from home.
That’s sketchy right there.
Way too suspicious. So I said no.
BUT YOU JUST SAID “THAT” WAS YOUR LAST FAMILY HEIRLOOM!
I escape the sketchy business man, and walk over to a bench looking out over the water. Surely I can get a break from all this craziness there.
…
Oh.
…
My.
…
Gosh.
HECK YES!!!!!
Hey-hey, hey you! Yes, you! Can I take you back to my home island? Please? Yes, yes, I realize that sounds very suspicious, but… there’s a guy who NEEDS to see you!
Yes, yes, I realize that also sound very suspicious, but… but – but- oh COME ON. DON’T GET OFF THAT BENCH AND WALK AWAY! SOMEONE NEEDS YOU!! OPEN YOUR HEEAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRTTTT!!
…Dang it. This has not been a good island to me.
And what is with all the girls here?!
This really bothers me. Are the men here really shallow or something, and the girls all give in? Is there sort of strange competition that goes on? What in the world is this?
Oh what?
Great. So Katara’s a part of this too?
That puts a weird feeling in your stomach.
Going into the building beside her gives you the chance to play this minigame, but I didn’t quite feel like it at the moment. Maybe later.
Love your enthusiasm.
Climbing up some stairs gets you on the roof, where you see what first looks like a windmill, but is actually a ferris wheel.
Good to know.
And then there’s these kids. Crud dang it, the craziness doesn’t stop.
Just because your self-confidence is low does not mean mine is. Shoo now.
They didn’t.
But then I’d sound like you!
I don’t even understand the logic here…
Yet you try to distance yourself from your armpits as much as you can…
Circle ‘round the Jared, now.
And if you thought it was all bad enough already:
Oh gosh no.
You have GOT to be kidding me.
Ha, funny that you judge things by how cool they seem, and then… yeah. VERY impressive.
Apparently, they’re all in trouble with this lady here:
Apparently, she’s also the “saucy” schoolteacher.
If they think you’re a “saucy” schoolteacher, they’ve apparently never met the lead singer of Sleigh Bells…
Pictures don’t quite do this justice, but she sways back and forth with her hands on her hips like the first picture, too…
She wants me to catch the main guy of the group “talk some sense into him.” They’ve all been skipping school, and she wants them back so she can fill their hearts with joy.
Haha. HahaHAHAHA. Ha. Ha.
…You ma’m, are clueless.
But to advance the story, I go anyway.
You bet I do.
Well, she does too.
And here stands the song relevancy thing. You know, the one called “Tell ‘Em”?
You’re gonna have to set that crown on the ground.
And with that last reference, we begin what I think is easily the most annoying mission in the game so far.
That’s right. Hide and seek.
(five minutes later) “Hey, I said if YOU catch all of us! Catching each other isn’t part of that!”
School kids their age so would. (Ever remember getting asked to say a word, and then being told to spell “it”?)
And with that, it’s on. They run in all different directions, scattering themselves around the little island.
My first help in finding them lies not in asking their teacher, finding their parents (lol), or “thinking like a kid.” Instead, it comes from a man created from the fusion of Shaggy and Fred.
You can’t quite do the whole “Let’s split up, gang!” thing if you’re in the same body…
Well, maybe you could. But it’d be quite ugly.
Anyway, I go chase that one down, and search for the next. Ended up finding him near a bunch of bushes in a little hidden corner.
Before I find anyone else that I need to, I find this cave area. Inside is a jail cell. And inside that jail cell holds someone that even a person with passing interest in Zelda knows about… the one and only…
Tingle.
It’s like Denzel Crocker gone insane.
After pressing a button in the corner of the room, he’s set free. For that, he gives you:
The Tingle Tuner.
Um, I didn’t quite ask for that…
Yeah, I didn’t quite need a map to your house either…
Regardless, he gives us Tingle’s Chart.
…
“Hey I just met you / And this is crazy! / So here’s a map to my house / And you should totally come over!” (sees my disapproving look) “…Maaaaybe.”
…
…
(Please don’t kill me, guys. I totally had to!)
After that little bit, I walk out of the cave to find somebody. Somebody I was not looking for:
Wut.
…Have we found a single normal person on this island?!
And yet again, after saying that, we find OCD postbox man:
He seems to be staring at the mailbox, as if in disbelief…
And then he cracks.
It- i-i-it c-c-came. The R-Rito p-p-p-postman… JUST GO AWAY!! JUST GO AWAY, ALL OF YOOOU!!!!”
In an act of respect, our camera crew temporarily shut off everything at this point. So I’ll never get to show you his true reaction…
But trust me. He flipped out. He took his outstretched hands, hugged Link at first, then let go, standing and staring blankly for a few seconds. He then proceeded to cock his head back, hang his mouth wide-open, put his hands a bit forward again, and have Open Your Heart burst from his lungs as though it were coming from a radio inside his stomach.
We would have taken him to proper medical care immediately, but the only person dealing in any sort of medical business in town was Mr. Chu Jelly… so we thought he’d be better off to deal it out on his own.
We helped what we could, and stopped him from being a human MP3 player at the very least. But after our little bit of comforting help, he just sat down by the mailbox, and stared into space, as though looking into another world entirely. He never did tell us why, in fact, the Rito postman meant so much to him…
…
We continued our quest.
I found Mr. Head-Honco hiding up in a tree. Kinda like what scared kittens do, you know?
But no matter how long I looked, I could NOT find the fourth guy. Where the heck could he be?
It took me FOREVER (literally at least a half-hour), but I finally realized…
HE’S HIDING BEHIND THE TOMBSTONE BY THE DANCING 80’S GUY!!
…
…
So… does he like it?!?
O_o
(Picture from chunglo’s playthrough on YouTube – I actually missed this picture.)
Regardless… I got a Piece of Heart for finding them all!
Well, and I got 50 rupees from Mrs. Marie. But I already had 200 – the max for my wallet right now…
Eh, not shiny enough. *tosses out*
Terrible. Forget the Zelda government for a minute – where’s the Zelda bank?!?
And I sure hope it’s not with this guy.
Remember him? The one who threatened to make me pay him back? (Likely through some magical instant money transfer because he’d never catch me?…) Yeah, I found a way up to his top floor place.
And now he too wants me to save his daughter from the Forsaken Fortress…
Great. So a bunch of girls to fight over me once I save them again. Does this remind you of anything?
Okay. So he throws three red rupee pieces into three of his jars, challenging you to find them.
I break one of them and get a red rupee, but didn’t want to take my chances with the others in case something catastrophic would happen if I got one wrong.
So I start to leave, thinking I’ve played it safe. But before I can get out the door:
WHABABABAHUH?!?
Pff, how?
Wait, I never gave those to you!!
How’d you take my money from up there? A bank account?…
HOW do you have direct access to my bank account?!
WHERE IS MY BANK ACCOUNT?!?
WELL WHADA THINK I’M GONNA DO?!
Urgh… I hate it when people do stuff like this.
At least it was only ten rupees per vase instead of 100…
But I still want to know where all these characters in Zelda have access to my funds without taking them from me… What the heck?! MASS IDENTITY THEFT!!
…
Finally, I complete a side-quest for a guy involving breaking the box in the back of Tingle’s jail cell, and crawling through a sort of cave-within-a-cave.
Options.
I travel in a ways until I see this rat in a corner with a wooden flooring section in front of it. I decide to walk up to the rat, not really thinking about what that wooden flooring could mean…
Uh, what’s with the funny face? And what’s with that-
Crud.
And through the trap door, I’m thrown into some other place on the island…
And that place happens to be next to Aslan. Who stares at me strangely…
I expected him to possibly say something about my little misstep there, but instead:
…
-_-
I end up later finding the right path, and get to this room.
All those skulls laying around bother me a bit at first, but I lose some of that worry when we find…
Three pictures? Dang, small SD card…
The Picto Box!
As it looks and sounds, this allows me to take and hold up to three pictures of my adventures at large. …Of course, beyond gameplay use, this isn’t very meaningful for me, having this capture card and all… but hey! Still kinda cool.
After all is said and done, I start thinking back to why I came here, and what I really got out of it… A piece of heart. A Picto Box. Some rupees. But what else?
It hits me that I haven’t got the sail yet!
…
I decide to buy “that” from our sketchy salesman.
If this is seriously the sail, I’m going to flip.
It sounds like you’re about to punch me…
OH YOU’VE GOT TO BE –
JFOIWEJFIJWEIOJFOEJWIJWEJGOEIJFOWEJIFJIWEOW
FJIWEJFOIWEJFEJWIOJFWEIJFOIWEJFJEWIOFEWFJIO
JFIOWJFJJJFJFJJJJJJJJJJJjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
So I seriously could have finished this about 1,400 words and 55 pictures ago.
Crud.
And with that, I solemnly leave the island.
The one of shady businessmen, rumors, gossip, and obnoxious kids.
…
…
Sounds like High School.
End of Post #3
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Yeah, you heard me right! OBNOXIOUS KIDS!
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